Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Tower of Bark

I will start by recommending that you NOT make this recipe. Why, must you ask? Well, you won't be able to stop. You'll eat it all, or a very large portion of it because it's SO GOOD. Then, when you look at the clock and realize that it's 1:00am and you have to go to bed, your stomach won't like you either. I guess you could call it a lose lose situation. More calories than you want to know, and a bad case of eating to much. However, I liked every moment of it. With that, I will proceed.

This is actually one of those fun "no recipe" recipes. It's where you can be inventive by throwing a lot of crap together and coating it with chocolate. Using this method, there is little possibility for failure.

These were my personal ingredients of choice. All of my favorite things: Captain Crunch (which I sporadically picked up because it said that the red ghosts turn green when exposed to milk), pretzels, candy corn, and double stuffed holiday oreos (they are the best).
I have a confession to make. I have this fantasy of eating an entire package of double stuffed oreos and a bag of Cheetos curly cheese puffs. They might be my two favorite foods of all time. I mean look at those cookies. The filling to cookie ratio is perfect, spot on. It's not like those detestable non-double stuffed oreos. I mean, what were they thinking.

I'm going to tell you how I did this...and then at the end, I'm going to tell you how to do it right. Unfortunately, most of my bark fell apart, leaving a whole bowl of lost and lonely pieces of random cereal, oreos, and pretzels. This is where my "eating large quantities event" came into play. So listen, but don't repeat what I did.
I placed oreos on a wax paper lined jelly roll pan.

Next, I lined pretzels around the oreos.

Next I filled the entire pan with captain crunch. (Do you see those orange "ghosts"? They change to green in milk! What a clever cereal advertising tactic. Like I said before, it won me over)

It was very important to me to lined the WHOLE pan with captain crunch.

Next, I placed a HEFTY amount of candy corn and Indian corn on top of all of the other "crap," as I said before.

Next, I melted a hefty batch of white and milk chocolate wafers and drizzled it over the entire pan, hoping that it would seep down through the cracks and form everything together. Yeah... not so much.

But, I was still hopeful at this point. So I got out my really big sharp knife (hehehe) and cut the bark, which kind of exploded everywhere. Actually, I would probably do it the same way again just so I could have a bowl of leftover crap to munch on at 1am. Sounds like a success to me.
Here's the ACTUAL way that you should go about making this concoction.
Captain Corn Oreo Pretzel Bark
(aka "put a lot of crap in a jelly-roll pan and top it with massive amounts of chocolate" bark)

Items Needed:
Various Amounts of the following:
  • Double Stuffed Halloween Oreos
  • Mini Wafer-style pretzels
  • Candy Corn and Indian Corn
  • Captain Crunch
  • Milk and White Chocolate Melting Wafers


  1. Cute each oreo into four pieces. I used about 16 oreos. Place them on a wax-paper lined jelly roll pan.
  2. Toss a few pretzel wafers over the Oreos.
  3. Lay on the captain crunch and candy corn.
  4. MAKE SURE that you only have one layer. That is, that you can see everything that you have put in the pan. If not, the chocolate will not "seep" to the bottom (as I had wished). You will end up with lots of oreos, pretzels, and captain crunch without a marriage to the chocolate. You don't want to deprive them of their God-given right to be bonded to chocolate? I didn't think so.)
  5. Melt white chocolate wafers in the microwave on 20 second intervals. Pour over all the goodies in the pan.
  6. Repeat with the milk chocolate wafers. Cover with festive sprinkles.
  7. Let it stand for about 1hour or until completely firm.
  8. Using big sharp knife, cut into bark squares.
  9. Share with friends and family. Or give it away in little bags as a Halloween treat! Yummy!
That might be the most wonderful tower I've ever seen. Delicious. The combination of all the flavors is magical!


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